Let’s stop pretending we don’t have opinions and raise our voices.
A friend recently told me she was feeling lost. Her youngest child had just left for college, and with him had gone her meaning and purpose. The night before, her husband had asked her, “Honey, now that you can do whatever you want with your life, what do you want to do?” She didn’t know what to say. She just stared at him, thinking, I don’t know what I want for dinner—forget about what to do with my life. I have no idea. How can I even start to figure it out?
When someone invites me to think about what I want, I try to pause, take a moment to be still, and check in with my inner self until a kind of knowing rises and points the way.
Some call that voice intuition; others say it’s God, or wisdom. One person I know refers to the voice as Sebastian. The point is, what we call it doesn’t matter; what’s important is that we hear it.
But women are taught that the way to be successful and attractive to the world is to be selfless. From an early age, we are conditioned to ignore the voice within when considering who we are and what our goals are, and instead to look outward—to our family, friends, church, community, and even our critics. In a million different ways we ask them: What should I want? What should I be? And the more our inner whispers fade from disuse, the more our bodies speak up, trying to get our attention. We get tired. We get sick. We can’t sleep. And we ignore these voices, too. If you refuse to listen to anybody long enough, she’ll stop speaking. Which is why one day we realize we have lost our way.
My teenage son and his friends were hanging out in our family room one weekend, and I popped in and asked, “Are you hungry?” The boys kept their eyes on the screen and yelled “Yes!” in unison, while the girls paused—searched one another’s faces—then smiled and said, “We’re fine.” See what happened there? The boys checked in with their stomachs. The girls checked in with each other. A while later, I tried again: “Girls, I’ve got pizza and chicken. What do you want?” There was a long silence while two of them looked over at the third. She paused, smiled politely, and said, “Sorry. I don’t care. Whatever they’re having is fine.”
That’s when I decided we needed to have a little chat. I thought of the countless times I’ve apologized for no reason and said I was fine when I wasn’t. When we shrug and say we don’t care, it’s usually a lie. Every girl cares. We’ve just been taught not to expose ourselves by showing it. What the world needs now is girls and women who aren’t afraid to care—who are done saying “whatever.”
I called the girls into the other room and sat them down on the couch. I told them they’d learned some rules about being a girl, that the world’s taught them that girls aren’t supposed to be hungry, have opinions, make decisions, or say what’s on their mind until they’ve gathered permission and consensus. I pointed out that every time I’d asked them what they wanted, they looked at the boys or one another, pretending they didn’t know in an effort to make everyone else happy. I reminded them it’s not their job to get smaller in voice and opinion and body—to disappear—in order to accommodate others. Their voices and opinions are important, I told them, so they need to figure out what they want, believe it on the inside, and speak it on the outside. And then I said, “Okay, let’s practice. Do you really believe boys should go ahead and eat and want and decide everything while you just sit on the floor and watch them?”
One of the girls looked down, and then at me, and said, “No. I’m always hungry when I say I’m not.”
“Me, too,” I said. “I’m always hungry, too. And I’m usually not so fine, either. Let’s stop saying things that aren’t true.”
The second girl said, “I don’t know how to know what I want.”
I said, “Sometimes, in the beginning, you have to trick your inner voice into yelling so you can start to recognize it.”
I went through my purse, found a coin, and held it up.
“Get ready,” I said. “I’m going to flip this coin. If it’s heads, we’re having pizza. If it’s tails, chicken. While it’s in the air, call out how you want it to land.” And before they could think, I flipped the coin. All three girls yelled out “Heads!” without pausing or looking at one another.
“There it is,” I said. “There’s your self. You didn’t have time to overthink or consult everyone else in the room.” The coin toss is a way to trick your inner voice into screaming until you can hear it whispering. I use it to ask myself what I want instead of asking the world what it wants from me. It helps me forget about being perfect and focus instead on being free.
I think they got it, although it was hard to tell amid the noise of girls chomping on pizza.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article. If you liked what you read, please share and comment below
Witten by By Glennon Doyle
Glennon Doyle Melton is the author of Love Warrior, a 2016 Oprah’s Book Club Pick; the founder of the online community Momastery; and the creator of the nonprofit Together Rising.
Plan for tomorrow instead of living for today.
A man I knew had an MBA from Harvard and an engineering degree from MIT. Smart guy. When he retired, he started doing what he liked best: teaching college courses in economics and business planning. But when he taught economics, he also taught personal economics. This is the philosophy that he started his classes with: Decide how you want to live now, versus how long you want to work.
This means that if you spend everything you make now, you’ll have no choice but to work longer and harder. But if you start investing in your financial future now, you’ll have many choices. You can retire early, travel more, continue your career or start a new career later in life. Once again, it all comes down to choices. Think tomorrow today… and live better tomorrow.
Here’s the next thing to think of when you’re planning your future of wealth: Be careful with your credit cards. Selling money is big business. You probably get invitations in the mail to sign up for a new credit card a couple of times a month! Having some credit cards is important. Especially if you travel. They’re safer and easier to track than cash.
But be careful; credit is the easiest way to get into debt. When you buy something with a little piece of plastic, you don’t feel the effect until you get the bill. So make sure that whatever you buy, you’re still happy with your purchase after you get the bill.
Make sure that whatever you buy, you’re still happy with your purchase after you get the bill.
Here’s another point to remember in becoming financially independent: It’s hard to get rich quickly. It’s easy to get rich slowly. It doesn’t happen overnight. With conservative investments, it takes a while. It takes discipline to keep adding value to your future, a little every month. It takes time to build your fortune and become wealthy.
There’s a saying about investing: “Time, not timing.” It takes time. If playing the stock market is what you do, then you know that timing is a whole different ball game. But for the average person, it’s time.
A study was done a while back that analyzed stock market investments. The study took two scenarios into consideration. In the first scenario, stocks were bought at the very worst possible time and sold at the very worst possible time. Bough high and sold low. And after 40 years, the average return was around 10 percent. Scenario one dealt with time.
In the second scenario, stocks were analyzed over a 10-year period. Stocks were purchased at the best possible time and sold at the best possible time. After 10 years, the average return was… about 10 percent. The second scenario dealt with timing. So timing might not be all it’s cracked up to be.
Be patient in building your financial independence. It will come small steps at a time. It’s hard to be patient sometimes, but it’s just like achieving your goals: It happens one step at a time.
What about those situations when patience has nothing to do with becoming wealthy? What about those trust-fund babies who are handed their financial independence on a silver platter? They never have to work a day in their lives, if that’s what they choose. Their first car is a Porsche. Their first house is a mansion. Their first job is at their father’s company. What about those people born rich?
Some guy says, “It isn’t fair that I’m working like crazy all day, all week, all month, all my life…. It just isn’t fair! I’ll never have that kind of money.” Well, some things aren’t fair. Inheriting money might not seem fair. But what does that have to do with you? Really?
If your dream is to have greater wealth than some people you know, then you’d better start working harder and smarter on your own goals, your own visions, and stop pondering what’s fair and what isn’t. Start examining what’s keeping you back instead of what’s keeping them ahead. Start looking at what you’re doing. There are plenty of stories and examples and experiences of people who began their careers destitute and had enough resolve to do it until they had more than they ever dreamed of. Study the experiences of others who built their way to the top instead of those born there. And you’ll not only reach the top, you’ll truly deserve it.
Adapted from Leading an Inspired Life
January 15, 2017
5 Leadership Styles To Inspire Peak Performance
What qualities and management styles do great managers possess to inspire and motivate their employees to deliver at their peak performance? The job of the manager is to get things done by leading others to success. Use these 5 leadership styles to get the most out of your employees.
It is important to develop management styles that suit different situations. Each leader has their own leadership styles and it is your job to inspire your employees to deliver at their peak performance. Your ability to organize the work and to supervise your staff effectively to get the job done on schedule and on budget is the key to getting the results for which you are responsible.
The Best Management Styles
According to numerous surveys of employees in the work world, the best bosses and supervisors possess three management styles:
1. Structure. Everyone knows exactly what needs to be done, why it is to be done, and to what standard.
2. Consideration. The boss makes employees feel that he or she really cares about them.
3. Freedom. Good bosses give their people freedom to perform. Once they have assigned a task, they try to stay out of the way, except to comment and to help when needed.
Discovering Your Leadership Styles
One of your jobs as the leader is to be a teacher. The reason you are in charge is because of your leadership styles and your superior level of knowledge and skill. If you would like to continue to develop your management styles and master your true talents download my free report “Discovering Your Talents.” One of the most helpful things you do is to pass on your knowledge and skill to those who report to you. Teach other people how to do the job that you have already mastered. You multiply your output by teaching someone else how to do something that only you can do. And you increase their value to the business.
The 5 Keys To Inspire Peak Performance
1. Accept complete responsibility for your staff. You choose them, you assign them, and you manage them. You are responsible for your staff to operate at their peak performance.
2. Look upon your staff with the same patience and understanding as you would look upon younger members of your family.
3. Practice the Friendship Factor with them, which is composed of three components: time, care, and respect. Give staff time when they want to talk. Express care and concern for them and their problems. Treat them with respect, the same way you would treat a customer or friend.
4. Practice Servant Leadership, by seeing your job as a position of trust with your subordinates. Just as they are there to serve you and the company, you are there to serve them, as well.
5. Practice Golden Rule Management. Treat each person the way you would like to be treated if the situation were reversed. When you practice Golden Rule Management—you manage other people the way you would like to be managed—you will elicit peak performance from your employees more than in any other way.
Get What You Need Out Of Your Employees
By using and developing these techniques and leadership styles you will notice a change in your employees work. By practicing these management styles you will bring your team to great success, increase productivity in the workplace and inspire peak performance in your employees.
I hope you enjoyed reading my article on leadership styles. If you liked what you read, please share and comment below.
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The link between spirituality and a successful recovery.